Friday, October 31, 2008

My Birth Story

Halloween is always special to me. This is the day I GOT PREGNANT!

We had been dealing with infertility for 4 long years. It was a very painful time in my life. I wanted a baby so badly! We had gone through many tests, many treatments and a failed in-vitro. I was personally devastated, when the in-vitro didn't work. I was DONE and didn't want to try anything more. I was at a place, where I thought I'd never have a baby, so I gave up. Thankfully, my husband talked me into one more try. It took me a few months to agree. I finally gave in. I had a very negative attitude during all of the tests and treatments leading up to our final try of having a baby. This was a defense mechanism for sure. I didn't want to go through the pain of getting my hopes up only to be devastated again. We didn't tell ANYONE we were attempting one final try. The first in-vitro attempt, we told EVERYONE, and it was almost more painful to have to tell everyone who loved us and was praying for us, that it didn't work.

So, on Halloween day, 1997 we had our final shot. We both knew if this didn't work, we would be done. Financially and emotionally, we had to be done.

I left it all in God's hands, and I really did feel peace. I had come to terms with the fact that maybe a baby, was not in our future, for a reason. I trusted God and told Him I would praise Him no matter what. I think that was the KEY! Up until that point, I begged, worried, cried, and refused to totally give it all over to God. I was finally at a point, where I knew this was it, and God knew what was best for us.

Two weeks later, it was a Friday-opening day for hunting season. I was working as an RN at the hospital and had to work the whole weekend. We had a Dr.'s appointment that Friday. My husband said he would not go up to his sister's house for opening hunting season that weekend so he could go to the Dr.'s appointment with me. But, I told him "Why bother- I won't be pregnant anyway, and I have to work all weekend, so just go and have fun." I went to the Dr.'s appointment alone, KNOWING I was not pregnant. I had started to feel period type cramps a few days before, signaling to me that my period was coming. This was a sign I knew too well, after all those years of infertility. I knew I wasn't pregnant.

The Dr. wanted me to go for a blood test to see if I was pregnant. He said he needed to know, so I could go off of the Progesterone I was on. He told me to call the lab later, after 5 p.m. for the results to see if I was pregnant. All along, I had a bad and negative attitude. KNOWING I wasn't pregnant. I almost didn't even bother to go to the lab....why bother! I went anyway.

I had to be to work at 7 p.m. The old me, the anxious me, would have called the lab at 5 sharp to get my lab results. But this new me, didn't bother....I didn't call until almost 9 p.m. that night. I was sitting at the nurse's station and decided I might as well call to get the negative results, so I could move on with life.

I called....waited.....the lab lady on the phone said, "You are pregnant". WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I was in SHOCK! I made her repeat it...then I hung up and called back (and got someone different) and got the same results...I'M PREGNANT! I'm sitting at the nurses station....in shock.....with my jaw open. I finally jumped up from my chair and ran to my friend and fellow nurse and jumped on her, and screamed "I'm pregnant" WOW.

I called my husband up at his sister's house....he was asleep. (Hunters go to sleep early, so they can get up at the crack o' dawn to hunt) and I told him WE ARE PREGNANT! He was so happy but said he knew all along it would work this time. (He is so positive.)

Here I am...the happiest day of my entire life...and I'm at WORK ..for the whole weekend....working 7 p.m.-7 a.m. for 3 shifts in a row....with my husband out of town all weekend...but I still celebrated and thanked God for an amazing gift.

Two weeks later..we had an ultrasound..and found out we were having TWINS!

More of the story later.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Blogging Rambles

Well, just as I predicted, I would have a hard time getting over to the blog to update. (I'm really not sure who I'm updating, because there are only 3 readers.) :)

Homeschooling is an awesome gift, however, wow....it takes diligence and work! This is our 6th year, and it is going really well. I have to really focus on keep our mornings open for SCHOOL ONLY...or we get carried away with other things, and don't do the job we should with our school. I don't answer the phone in the mornings, which helps, and I try and sit near my kids so I'm available to help them. In the past, I would find myself doing jobs around the house and then getting frustrated when they yelled out, "Mom I need help". I need the mornings to be all about them and school, and if I get chores around the house done, great, if not....they are my priority.

Trying to fit exercise in every week is a challenge. I make a point to get up and get my workout clothes on, so I'm ready to run out the door the minute we are done with school (at 1 ish)....then I'm home by 2:30 and hop in the shower...but by then it is 3:30 or so, and the day is 1/2 over. My husband comes home at 5:30 and we eat dinner. He works with the kids on whatever they missed on math during their lesson in the a.m. and then we read or play a game, and they are off to bed. The day goes SO FAST!

Tonight my daughter starts basketball practice, so we add that into our already FULL and busy schedule. But, she really really wanted to play, so I'm happy to cram it in. Tonight, after basketball I have to drop the kids off at our neighbor's church, where they will attend a Harvest party....whew!

I guess this is the season of life we are in.....busy and full lives. It is all good. I'm happy we have such great things to do, and happy I have good energy to do them all. If I didn't exercise, I'd be a slug and have no energy to keep up with my kids and our busy lives.

Finally.......I'm really enjoying BSF this year. BSF is Bible Study Fellowship. We have been a part of this for 9 years. I've been teaching the children in the children's program for 3 years. This year we are studying the life of Moses. I have 16 little 1st and 2nd graders in my BSF class this year. I adore them all. They are so excited to learn! My kids have been in BSF since they were 2 years old (they are 10 now.) I'm so very thankful for all they learn each week. We study the Bible together, and this year they are able to work on their homework on their own. It is teaching them to have a daily time in God's Word. I love that.

So, those are my rambles. Is anyone out there........reading my rambles?
Happy Fall!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Running like the wind.

Lately I've felt like I've been running like the wind in life. There is always so much to do. I'm a perfectionist, so I always struggle with needing everything to be in its place, having a clean house, being caught up with laundry, serving healthy meals to my family, exercising, and on and on it goes. I place impossible standards on myself, and it drives me nuts. At least I'm aware of it, right?

I'm such a freak that I'm already buying Christmas gifts. I just hate for Christmas to sneak up on me, and for me to rush rush rush through the season and not be able to enjoy it and celebrate the reason we celebrate. We take 2-3 weeks off from our homeschooling in December, so I don't want to be out shopping with all the crazy people and crowds. I'd rather be at home, with a fire in the fireplace, reading to the kids.

It is hard to balance life and be a good wife, mother, sister, friend, daughter in-law, servant of the Most High God, and on and on the list goes.

I want to make the most of my days, and use my time wisely. Sometimes I just want to STOP being productive and just BE STILL and relax.

I'm a work in progress! I'm trying to be aware and intentional with all I do. Cutting out things that don't have eternal purpose.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Sin

Church was so good today. Our pastor taught about the four words for sin that are used in the Bible.

1. To miss the mark. There is a target of righteousness, and no matter how hard we try, we miss every single time. (This particular Greek word for sin is used 174 times in the Bible.)

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

2. Without righteousness- to act unjustly, to harm others. This Greek version is used 27 times in the Bible). It is a legal word, meaning acknowledging or declaring someone is guilty.

2 Corinthians 7:2

3. To slip and fall- accidental sin, not thinking about it, but we still do it. (Used 21 times in the Bible)

Matt 6:14 -15

4. To cross the line- transgressors, law breakers, INTENTIONALLY crossing the line even though we know it is wrong.

James 2:9-10.

Finally, something our Pastor said today, REALLY struck me......Hell is where all of your FILTH is exposed. There is no hiding it, no running from it, everyone will see it....

I'm so glad I'm not going there! I'm so thankful I recognize my sinfulness- all the different ways. All of my righteous acts are filthy rags to God, but he can make them right.

Do you call your sin what it is, SIN, or do you justify it, hide it, or rationalize it? I'm trying to be more aware of mine daily and keep a short account with God.

Blessings!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Treasuring God's Word.

Sometimes it feels as if there is a storm going on all around us.

Gas prices, bailouts, divorce, cancer scares, sickness, death, pain, financial difficulty, and on and on it goes.......

I'm so thankful for the foundation of God's Word that is trustworthy in all circumstances.

Job 23:10
But He knows the way I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed His steps; I have kept to His way without turning aside. I have not departed from the commands of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my daily bread.

Don't panic, pray! Stay in God's Word, believe what He says. Don't fear what everyone else fears, be still and know that He is God!
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