Thursday, January 29, 2009

Sensitivity

I have a love/hate relationship with my sensitivity. On one hand, I'm extremely compassionate. I love deeply. I feel things at a deep level. A simple news story will send me to my knees in prayer for days. I feel so badly for people going through pain, hardships, or turmoil. I HATE when people hurt. I want to FIX IT ALL right now. I lose sleep often, pondering how I can fix someones troubles or help them. I try to be intentional with showing my love to people and I try to find tangible ways to make a difference.

On the other hand I am completely sensitive and my feelings can get hurt so quickly. Today I'm struggling with such a dumb thing, I can't even post about it, because you would laugh. But someone hurt my feelings and it bummed me out. It was something said in passing and I'm not even sure how it was meant, probably not in a malicious way. I still take things so darn personal that I'll spend the next five hours trying to figure it all out. I hate that I'm such a people pleaser sometimes. I hate that I don't have thick skin and can't brush things off so quickly and easily.

Another friend said something to me a few weeks ago, that I'm still thinking about. It hurt my feelings then and it still does. I'm sure she wouldn't even remember she said it. Why do I waste my time on this stuff? I'll move on, in time. I try to not hold a grudge. I try to not repay hurtful words with hurtful words. I don't ever bother to tell the people they have hurt me.....I wonder why that is? I hate confrontation and I hate to cause a stir...so I drop it with them, but the wounds stay with me for awhile.

I'm glad Jesus understands that words hurt. I'm glad He knows my heart and can help me move forward and forgive and forget. In my own power I can't....so I rely on His perspective and what He thinks of me more that what others think. But is it too much to ask that people THINK BEFORE THEY SPEAK and speak life and encouraging words to people? I want to be that kind of a person. Build up rather than tear down!

2 comments:

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

I'm sensitive, too. It has helped me, over the years, to think of it this way, "What do I know about that person's intentions? Do I think they're basically bad or evil and out to hurt people, or have they committed an error in spite of generally good life intentions?" Usually, I realize they are not evil or malicious but that they have hurt me without meaning to. Also, I'm learning to not take things so personally because I realize now, at 46, that most people are thinking about THEMSELVES all the time. It's really not about me, even when it seems to be. Do you know what I mean? The flip side, the positive, is the facet you mentioned: the capacity for compassion. So, you don't want to really change that, and besides, it's how God made you. We need sensitive people in this world.

Amy said...

((((hugs)))))
I am the SAME way. I am super sensitive!!! I let EVERYthing bother me. Even things that don't matter. I hate that!! I am really trying to get better and let things go.

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